Thoughtnami Classics | Pissing On The Birthday Cake: CN Turns 15

Originally Posted 10/01/07 by Jeff Harris

It's hard to believe it's been 15 years since Droopy pushed the Acme dynamite plunger launching the world's first all-animation channel called Cartoon Network. Twenty-four hours of cartoons was a radical concept back in 1992. Fifteen years later, it seems to be an even more radical concept since there are only a handful of all-animation channels on the air worldwide. Cartoon Network isn't one of them anymore. Since 2005, Cartoon Network has been pushing an agenda of live-action to gain viewers. The network that has been the exclusive home of Looney Tunes and the home of Dexter's Laboratory, The Powerpuff Girls, Toonami, Adult Swim, Samurai Jack, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, and other cartoons is now the home of live-action properties like Out of Jimmy's Head and Goosebumps, not to mention older movies with very little connection to animation.

I remember my first time looking at Cartoon Network. I remember my last time looking at Cartoon Network. So, forgive me for giving you guys a "Lucky thought" of sorts.

I have the first hour of Cartoon Network on videotape. I also have a stand-alone VCR that I could watch said tape on, and I didn't have to search the ruins of the old Earth to find one either, unlike Spike and Jet on the "Speak Like A Child" episode of Cowboy Bebop. When I looked at the tape today, and I don't even remember myself laughing out loud like that to anything on the air today. Pure comedy gold from Freleng, Clampett, and Avery. Those names sound alien to today's audiences, but they're the icons of my youth here in the Seven Cities. I looked at that hour of video tape that I recorded on TBS back in 1992 with much enjoyment. This was the first hour of Cartoon Network. I knew that I was looking at something historical. Cartoons from the best studios in America, all day long at my disposal. I wouldn't actually get Cartoon Network until three years later around Memorial Day weekend in 1995.

Since that day, I've seen the network evolve and grow. I watched the first generation of What A Cartoons! when they were brand new on a Sunday night. I watched Cartoon Theater when it was still under the management of Mr. Spim. I remember when Super Adventures evolved into Afternoon Adventures and Power Zone before transforming itself into Toonami. I remember when a prop comedian actually did a decent job at network continuity before they handed the reigns to a great comedian who died way too soon. I remember Toonapalooza, Hootnanny, Mystery Inc., Super Chunk, It Came From The Vault, 70s Super Explosion, and Boomerang. The block, not the network. I remember when Chris Rock played an insect sidekick to Bobcat Gothwait. I remember when they actually advertised something rated TV-PG in the daytime that was a cartoon. I also remember a time when you actually looked at Cartoon Network and didn't see one kid in a classroom environment for almost an entire day.

About five years ago, back when Cartoon Network quietly turned 10, the change began. Sure, they still showed cartoons, but a shift was taking place though, at the time, many didn't pay attention. Cartoon Network's new overboss at Turner was Jamie Kellner. For those that had been under a rock, Mr. Kellner was also the co-creator and the head of The WB Television Network, home of Kids' WB. Kellner brought The WB into the Turner fold where he virtually united Kids' WB with Cartoon Network. The results, needless to say, weren't pretty. The two were seen as one unit now and often presented programming together. Toonami, Cartoon Network's action block, was now the uniform name of the Kids' WB weekday afternoon block with very little change from what was present there a year before. As a result of that rebranding, Cartoon Network moved their Toonami block an hour later to 5 PM. That disasterous collaboration lasted almost a year. Also under that new Turner order was the mandate to make Cartoon Network more "kid-friendly" to viewers and advertisers. In 2002, many shows aimed towards older viewers, specifically the Looney Tunes, MGM shorts, and Popeye shorts as well as the historical shows like Toonheads and The Tex Avery Show, were moved exclusively to Boomerang making room for more kid-oriented programming, specifically more of the whole "Hey, kids like school, so let's make shows with kids in school!" genre.

A year later, Cartoon Network revamped its Cartoon Cartoon Fridays lineup into Cartoon Network Fridays, a weekly show hosted by live-action hosts and musical guests. Tommy, Nzinga, and Tara. I remember talking to my friend Jon, telling him in an "American Photojournalist" kind of way, that Fridays was just the beginning of the end. He laughed it off thinking I was being a little paranoid.

Cue to the last time I watched Cartoon Network. It was April of 2007. It had been over two years since Cartoon Network began to air live-action movies that had nothing to do with animation. The cartoons airing on the network, aside from a handful, have become formulaic and insulting to viewers. Of course, I was no longer the target audience for the network anymore. They want Nickelodeon and Disney Channel viewers to leave that channel to come to Cartoon Network. And they're doing that with programming that just screams of desperation and looks like also-rans that never made it to Nick or Disney. When Cartoon Network announced plans for a handful of live-action properties, including Fried Dynamite, a live-action Ben 10 movie, and the airings of several older properties, including Goosebumps, which will air in a 20-hour marathon in October, I had enough. The Cartoon Network I admired back in 1992, heck, in 2002, had died.

In April, I let go of cable and, in essence, Cartoon Network.

Fifteen years ago, a great network was born. A network that had one agenda, one purpose, and one mission: to be the home of the best cartoons on the planet, and sure enough, over the years, they've done just that. That was Cartoon Network. Everybody that made Cartoon Network is pretty much gone with the exception of Mike Lazzo, but he's at Adult Swim now. And Cartoon Network goes out of its way to say that Adult Swim is a separate network disconnected from Cartoon Network other than sharing channel space.

Today's Cartoon Network is nothing like it was back in 1992, and that's good AND bad. The good is that they've become a more diversified home for foreign and third-party acquisitions as well as being home to blocks not afraid to experiment like Toonami and Adult Swim. The bad is that they're abandoning their core mission more and more each week with the addition of more live-action programming, and that's a shame.

Now, here's something I won't say at the Zone because, well, I promised to be good there. I respect and have nothing but love for Toon Zone, but I don't want to create any bad blood between TZ and CN. After all, I'm expendable. I don't the mothership to get in any trouble for anything I say there.

I want to see Cartoon Network make it to its 20th anniversary because I still believe they're capable of some good. I want to believe that they're not completely idiotic at Techwood Drive. Recent decisions have proven otherwise. I mean, just when I thought they couldn't get stupid, they manage to impress me with the lengths of stupidity they're achieving. There has actually been some rumblings within the animation industry saying that Cartoon Network will be gone within two or three years. I think the rumors are nonsense, but if CN does go the way of the Dodo and The WB, well, I think they really need clean house at the network. Not just one or two high-profile people, but rather a bloodbath. A cleansing that will purge every idiotic exec in charge of not only Cartoon Network, but Turner Broadcasting as well because they have done a piss-poor job these last five years.

"But Jeff, Toonami and Adult Swim are still doing fine, so get off your high horse."

They're doing okay, but Toonami and Adult Swim are pretty much seen by the network as one-show-ponies. Take Naruto and Family Guy from both blocks, and CN wouldn't give a damn about the future of those blocks. Hell, Naruto is already sticking out like a diamond in mud on the primetime lineup and Family Guy is in heavy rotation on TBS as well as its recent syndication launch. Both blocks need to strengthen their lineups in the worse kind of way or else Techwood will begin purging the branding from the network. Toonami is more vulnerable now than ever since they still don't use the block's name on-air anymore, which is sad.

In the meantime, happy birthday Cartoon Network. I wish you all the best. Seriously, you're so much more than what you present yourself as. I just want you to become better.